Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Two Mentions on SMS This Morning (Updated)

Headshot of Stephanie circa 1980 BC (Before Conditioner)

This morning Steph read two e-mails that I sent to her yesterday - one in the first hour, the second in hour two. In the first e-mail I just wanted to share my recipe for a good night's sleep with Steph who complained of recurring insomnia. The message went like this:

Chris & Steph,
Lunesta hell, Momma needs a couple of Xanax washed down with a couple glasses of wine (with a Tylenol PM chaser) - it's the only thing that works for this pre-menopausal radical militant librarian...

The second missive that Steph read this morning (top of hour two) was a list of things that I suspect might be found in Stephanie's old, soon-to-be-replaced refrigerator:

Things Found in Stephie's Old Refrigerator

--
Andy Rooney.
--Fifteen almost empty boxes of wine.
--Rotten egg salad sandwiches (recently brought in from the car).
--An Al-Qaeda sleeper cell.
--Steph's extra Mr. Happy (AKA Mr. Freezer-Pop).
--David Guest's testicles rolled in egg yoke and covered with dog-hair.

More listener comedy (read by Momma, this morning July 25, top of Hour 3):

Dear Stephie,
The following article about a "Sex and the City Tour" in New York inspired me to propose a similar idea for you, just in case your career ever takes another down turn (heaven forbid!), perhaps you could offer your die-hard fans a tour of LA in which you could point out Stephanie Miller spots of interest - here are a few suggestions:
--A tour of your first radio studio in LA complete with a pole dance.
--A quick drive-by of the vacant, overgrown lot in Reseda where the Itchy Kitty used to be.
--The Cafe in which you fed Weird Al an ├ęclair.
--The studio in which you filmed your disastrous late night talk show, with a side trip to the methadone clinic from which your audience was culled.
--A stop at the Liquor Barn.
--The corner on which Greg Brady (Barry Williams) dropped you off after you called him "Greg Brady" one too many times.
--Stop in for a quick spinning class at your "B-celebrity" gym.
--A stop at the Laugh Factory where you beat Andy Dick silly.
--A lunch stop to enjoy egg salad sandwiches which have been carefully stored in the back of your car for about three days.
--Concluding with a stop at the Stephanie Miller Manse - where you might invite tour guests into nibble on Milkbones or sip from a tumbler of box wine (a rather perverse form of communion comes to mind here).
--End the tour with a ceremonial handing out of plastic bags which tour guests must fill with doggie doo-doo (please note that plastic bags may also double as barf bags depending on how quickly the egg salad kicks in =) before being returned to Hollywood Boulevard where they can spend the rest of the day searching for Steph's Star on the Walk of Fame.
--Just some thoughts from a Stephanie Miller Show fan....

1 comment:

Mel said...

Lucky Steph to have you writing for her show. Hope she gave you credit for those comments.