Of Subpoenas and Stolen Tomatoes

I am spitting mad – what, you may ask, is any different about me today than the day before when I delivered yet another angry rant to an ignorant and ignoring world? Well, this time the primary focus of my ire is not Dick Cheney nor George Bush nor anyone residing in Washington DC. This time the culprit is in my very own neighborhood (I have my suspicions, but I’ll keep them to myself, for now). Today, when I ran home for a late lunch, as I was pulling out of my driveway I noticed that my carefully and lovingly tended tomato plant was missing a few of its green tomatoes. I got out of my car and on closer inspection saw that not just one or two tomatoes were gone, but almost all of the tomatoes had been stolen off my potted tomato plant. The tomatoes were green and had been left on the vine to ripen in the rich Oklahoma sun until they would have been beautiful and no doubt delicious morsels of summertime sweetness. But they are GONE, I tell you GONE, somebody has stolen my tomatoes!!! As I already stated, I have a suspect in mind, but just calling this neighbor up or marching over to his front door and accusing him of doing this dastardly deed would be too good for this a**wipe. I have considered many different ploys to avenge this despicable crime, from leaving a note at the end of my driveway where my tomato plant used to be that might read something along the lines of “I hope you choke on your ill-gotten gains you stinkin’ tomato thief, you” to a more sinister note that warns the thief that the tomatoes had been treated with a very harsh pesticide that when ingested gives the ingestor days of non-stop diarrhea. This particular affront reminds me, of course, of another affront that we as the American public seemingly must endure until our leaders grow a spine and stand up to the bullies in the nation’s capitol and shout at the top of our collective lungs “We’re mad as hell and we aren’t gonna take it anymore.” (I can hear the Twisted Sister refrain from the opening song of Stephanie Miller’s Show blaring in my head…)

Now you didn’t think that my anger was ALL about my stolen tomatoes, did you? If you did, this must be your first visit to my blog, and to you I say a hearty “welcome, sit down and stay a spell, won’t you?” The anger raised by my stolen tomatoes rode in on the coattails of the white hot rage I already had going on inside me from dubya’s refusal to honor the subpoenas that were issued to members of his administration, former members though they may be. What in the world is this president thinking? The answer is that he is thinking only about his own hide, his own skin, about stopping the noose from being tightened around his own neck. He cares not a whit about you and me, America, he just doesn’t give a good goddamn about the Constitution or Democracy or the Bill of Rights or anything that we as Americans have heretofore collectively valued. All George W. Bush cares about is getting outta town before his entire house of cards comes crumbling down around him and he finds himself in a cell with a guy named Bubba who likely voted for him at least the first time and now wants a piece of his ass.

The only thing on this once green earth that could possibly make me madder than a neighbor stealing my not-quite-ripe tomatoes is Georgie Bush digging in his heals and refusing to comply with a lawful order to produce documents and witnesses to testify before the People’s House of Representatives and the Senate. Excuse me, Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney, did you think that you could conduct all of your nefarious business behind closed and impenetrable doors? Well, you see the kind of guvmint that we have here in Amurika is what we call a Democracy – that’s a government by the people and for the people NOT a government hidden from the people. So you better turn over those subpoenaed documents and those subpoenaed staffers pronto or we'll, we'll, we'll....well we'll IMPEACH youse guys. There, I've said it - Speaker Pelosi, it is long past time to put impeachment back on the table. It seems that it is the only recourse that we as a people have left, short of an armed uprising or civilian revolt, to take back our country from the corrupt and hideous men who have stolen it from us.

I may never get to eat my precious tomatoes (although the sentiment in one of my imaginary notes remains true - I hope that the criminal who stole those tomatoes gags on every juicy bite), but I'll be damned if I let my country slip away from me like so many stolen green tomatoes. I want my country back and I want it back now. And I am getting to the point that I don't much care how this return to democracy is achieved - if it takes rising up, I am ready to rise up, if it takes storming the White House, I am ready to storm, if it takes marching on or even to Washington DC on my own two feet, I am ready to march. I just don't know how, short of fast-forwarding through the next agonizing 17 months, we will be able to survive as a country, a people, a community, a goddamned group of human beings who are living in a country where a good idea has been highjacked and has gone horribly awry, where our very foundation is being glibbly tossed aside and replaced with a tyranny that none of us recognize nor want. Help me stop this madness! Impeach Bush & Cheney NOW!!!

For a first-hand account of the injustices that have been ongoing at the Dept of Justice for the past six and a half years, please see John S. Koppel's op-ed piece in July 5, 2007 Denver Post.